I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
