Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
