So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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