In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
