I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I understand Curling. That high.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
