you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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