She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
