Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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