im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize