im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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