I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
