she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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