Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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