I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You are the jesus of drinking
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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