I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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The power of my boobs compel you
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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