i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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