drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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