i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
