You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
