the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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