apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
