I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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