She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
