Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
