Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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