Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
