I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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