so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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