So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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