Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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