Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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