Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
