i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
