Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She said her name was "party"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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