Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
