peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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