my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
