So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
