her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
