she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize