porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
