It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
