I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
