i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize