Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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