I cannot find my penis.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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