Your tits are I can't wait for
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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