Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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