Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Randomize
