Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize