I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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