If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
