I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
