my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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