Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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