I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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