I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
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tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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