i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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