Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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