Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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