Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
