Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
