Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
