i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
