Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
