so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
