So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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