Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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