I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just found puke in my bra..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
