he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
