Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
