We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
