God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
