oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
