I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Im part way to drunk.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
